My wife’s new celebrity crush? None other than….Mr. Ryan Gosling. Holy cow, she loooovvves him. For no reason at all last night, she began talking about his abs. It dawned on me that she had a Ryan Gosling crush when she started recommending that we only rent movies with him in them. Then I showed her an old video of Justin Timberlake & Ryan Gosling singing together on the Mickey Mouse Club, and her head nearly exploded, ha ha.
It’s on Ryan Gosling, it’s on.
This Is Called “Poppin’ Bottles”
Last Night’s Bachelorette
Last night’s Bachelorette episode might have been the biggest piece of junk I had ever seen. Is anyone rooting for Ashley? I just can’t root for her…she’s just not likeable, and incredibly whiney. (and bow-legged, my wife would like to point out that she’s bow-legged, ha ha).
Last night was unbearable…between Ryan coming back (only to be turned down again…well done Ryan…two teary-eyed break-ups in two weeks…she didn’t like you the first time, and still didn’t the second time).
The only redeeming factor from last night was Constantine turning Ashley down, that was tremendous….also tremendous was the amount of rage my wife instantly experienced when they cut away from the break-up scene to go to Pres. Obama’s speech. I thought my wife was going to lose it.
Let’s talk about this “Fantasy Suite” thing…last night was the “Fantasy Suite” episode where the couples can “spend the night” together. We know what they’re doing. It’s a sex suite. We know. It’s creepy enough when last season, Brad gave invites to the “Fantasy Suite”…but it’s even more creepy when Ashley is doing it. She’s offering them a sex contract and hoping that the guy accepts it? That’s desperate…and just plain weird. Also, how do you think JP feels when he watched last night and saw Ashley and Ben head off to “fulfill the contract”. I’d be ticked…and not only that, Ashley seemed oddly giddy the next day…well done Mr. Ben apparently.
Groomsmen
(the groomsmen & groom - from left: Ry, Sunil, Irey, Gray, Dan, and me) (Throw in Plagman and these are the guys I’ll always stand by).
O.A.R.
OAR in concert tonight at the Val-Air Ballroom. Can’t wait! Behind Pearl Jam, OAR is my favorite band. This is also a very exciting for our 11 1/2 month old son Dexter…I bought him an O.A.R. “King of Thing” shirt…because today, he meets OAR. Those photos are going to be AWESOME.
Top 10 OAR Songs
1. Heard the World
2. War Song
3. Crazy Game of Poker
4. Living in the End
5. King of the Thing
6. I Feel home
7. Night Shift
8. About an Hour Ago
9. Love & Memories
10. City on Down
This list could have gone on for 20 more songs…at least!
So yes, this is what my wife and I argue about…the hot issues, ha ha.
Amy Winehouse
My wife says to me yesterday that this Amy Winehouse death is going to really affect her. What? I’m stunned by this. I couldn’t figure out why. Who didn’t see this coming? Why is everyone acting like this is a shock? She was a trainwreck…who loved drugs…I’m sorry that she’s dead, but not at all surprised by this. If this happened to Lindsay Lohan, would we be surprised?
So, yes, the afternoon was spent with Jennifer defending Amy Winehouse, and myself countering. Who do you side with?
Kristen Stewart
Then…some 5 hours later, we were watching Twilight: Eclipse (or New Moon…whatever the 3rd one is), and I was doing my normal rant on why Kristen Stewart is a terrible actress. Jennifer countered with “Maybe she didn’t know to the extent of the fame she would receive from starring in Twilight”. This resulted in another half hour of me calling Kristen Stewart ungrateful…and asking how come the other actors seem to be fine with the fame. Perhaps Jennifer won the Amy Winehouse argument…but I won the Kristen Stewart argument.
The Bachelorette
Jennifer showed me an article yesterday that nearly made me pass out with disgust….apparently Ryan is coming back…tonight. Ugh. Double Ugh…and a blech. Mr. Smiley returns, great. Ashley is a disaster. Is anyone really rooting for her at this point?
Free ice cream! Three words that don’t get said enough…put those three words right up there with “I love you” and “Go Cubs Go”.
Today, you can have free ice cream…join us for “Big Ken and Colleen’s Ice Cream Social” presented by Service Legends Heating & Cooling….it’s from 10-noon outside the Downtown Library. Colleen promised she’d share…she’s very excited for ice cream…but who isn’t?!
Asking Hollywood “Why”?
In the midst of all the comic book movies coming out (Captain America looks excellent)…I totally forgot that they’re making another Spiderman movie. I think it’s called “The Amazing Spiderman” or something like that.
The first Spiderman came out in 1999/2000ish….it detailed how Peter Parker became Spiderman (the whole spider bite thing). Done, right?
Then, why Hollywood, are we making another Spiderman movie that apparently (from the trailer) starts the exact same way…in the trailer, it shows him being bit by a spider, and then his transformation into Spiderman. We just saw this 10 years ago…are we making re-makes this quickly already? This is absurd.
Embracing Local Music
Last night, I was doing an appearance at the I-Cubs game during their Backyard Bash. It was hot, but a most excellent time.
The $nack$ was the band out there last night…I must admit, hadn’t heard of them…but now? Huge fan…so much so that I’ve already liked them on FB. They were great…two guys, a synthesizer keyboard & drum set…and a playlist of fantastic songs. When you can play Snoop Dogg’s “Lodi Dodi”, right into Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer”, and then into the Black Eyed Peas’ “Just Can’t Get Enough”…it’s brilliant, and isn’t done enough.
If you’re out somewhere, and you see The $nack$ are performing…grab a beverage and get ready to enjoy.
Remember 2 months ago when I was all about “True Blood”…and spent the next two months catching up on the first 3 seasons? Yes, that was me. Truthfully, I really enjoyed the first 3 seasons…was totally into it. Then I started the 4th season…and…I’m done.
Really? Sookie is some sort of fairy? Snore. Really? They did the plot twist where they just jump a year into the future? That’s so dumb…and it never works (I’m looking in your direction “Lost”). Everyone’s character is different, and I know it’ll probably be explained as to how they all got to their new positions, but I don’t care, that’s boring…I want to see the journey as it unfolds.
As soon as I saw the time-jump plot device happened…I stopped watching…and deleted the recording from the DVR. If anyone wants to talk about the first 3 seasons, I’m all up for it…I got nothin’ for ya after that.
The Red Hot Chili Peppers
The RHCP have a new single out…and it’s AWESOME.
Here they are…my Top 10 RHCP songs
1. Soul to Squeeze
2. Give It Away
3. Wet Sand
4. Suck My Kiss
5. Power of Equality
6. Under the Bridge
7. Tell Me Baby
8. Blood Sugar Sex Magik
9. Californication
10. Aeroplane
Note: “Blood Sugar Sex Magik” is one of my favorite albums of all-time.
Note #2: I’ve seen RHCP twice in concert, and truthfully, horribly disappointed both times. To be fair though, it’s mainly Anthony Keidis’ fault…he seems like he doesn’t want to be on the stage. Flea, Chad, and Dave & John (seen both in concert) are tremendous…Anthony seems bored.
The wedding of my best friend John and his wife Anne Marie was a ton of fun this weekend up near Detroit. I was honored to be the Best Man…it was actually the first time I had ever been part of a wedding (I had been an usher at Luke’s wedding…and of course, I’ve officiated 6 weddings).
Both my rehearsal & wedding toast killed. I had brought along the very first email that John had sent about Anne Marie. It was cute, dorky, and hilarious. With sayings like “She has a super-cool personality”. Completely embarrassing, but kind-hearted. So I was joking about how “I wish I could remember that email…oh wait”…and with that, I pulled it out of my coat pocket. The crowd doubled over in laughter.
Countless people told me that it was the best toast they had ever heard…some asked if I was a stand-up comedian…it was that good.
Alright, enough about me. I know, I’m great, ha ha.
Loved the wedding cake…it was all cupcakes…and loved the idea of serving hot, soft giant pretzels around 10:30…that hit the perfect drunken hunger pains. (Not that the dinner wasn’t delicious, because it was). As my friend Plagman said, you know it’s a good wedding when you get to your rental car the next morning and there’s nothing but half-eaten pretzels in it.
Note to wedding DJs: If you see me & my friends…just play 80s hair metal songs…you saw the results. Pandemonium!
I’m so happy for John & Anne Marie. A lifetime of happiness is ahead of them.
(My best friends for nearly 15 years)
The Answer is 5
Oh, I thought you were asking how many “Lion’s Den Adult Superstores” you will see on the way from Des Moines to Detroit. The answer is 5.
The wedding of my best friend John to his wife Anne Marie up near Detroit was AWESOME. I have much to Blog about…but am so very, very tired. I’ll have more pics tomorrow…but for now, it’s my “little” celebrity encounter.
When we got to the hotel, we found out that they were filming a new “Wizard of Oz” movie next door to the hotel…and that’s when we spotted him…Actor Tony Cox…you might remember him as the elf from the movie “Bad Santa”…or the limo driver from “Me, Myself, & Irene”.
My friends recognized him immediately…but had to do a little IMDB search to figure out his name…once we did though, it was my job to do introductions. He was a very nice guy, and I think that he liked that I actually went up and talked to him instead of everyone else at the hotel who just sort of stared and pointed. Super nice guy…much love to the great Tony Cox!
In this picture, is me, Tony, the groom John, and my friend Ry.
Oh…my Best Man’s Speech? Killed it. People thought it was almost a stand-up comedy bit…more on that tomorrow.
Note: You will not see “The Heights” on this list…if I hear “How Do You Talk to An Angel?” one more time…I may lose my mind. I may have worn that cassette single out back in 1991.
Note: The band “Driveshaft” from “Lost” will also not be on this list…at a time, it could have been in the Top 5…but then the final season of Lost sucked so much and broke my heart & spirit so much, that it no longer gets the “honor” of being on this list.
10 - Jesse & The Rippers - From Full House.
9 - The Be Sharps - From The Simpsons. Perhaps the greatest barbershop quartest of all-time. Quick! Name another?! Can’t? Me either. Their hit song was “Baby on Board”.
8 - Scrantonicity - From “The Office”. The best Police tribute band ever. Well done Kevin.
7 - Mouse Rat - From “Parks & Recreation” - Andy is destined for music greatness.
5 - Zack Attack - From “Saved By the Bell” - Friends Forever…darn right…plus you know a band is top-notch when Lisa Turtle is rockin’ the bass.
4 - Sexual Chocolate - From “Coming to America”. Ladies and gentleman, put your hands together for Mr…Randy…Watson!!
3 - Dr. Teeth & Electrical Mayhem - From the “Muppets”. I would go see them on tour. Who wouldn’t?
2 - Timmy & Lords of the Underground - From “South Park” - The year 2000ish could best be summed up with this word…Timmy!!!
1 - Chemical Toilet & Electric Dream Machine - From “Always Sunny in Philadelphia” - Dayman!! Fighter of the Nightman! This was my ringtone for over a year…and I’m proud of that.
Okay, here’s what I was attempting to tease on Thursday…but then I forgot the video again on Friday…sorry about that.
Anyhoo…Dexter turned 11 months yesterday, and about on Wednesday last week…we were watching his favorite show “Yo Gabba Gabba”, and the kid starts WALKING! Oh snap!
Here’s the proof:
Growing up wayyyyyyyy too fast!
Horrible Bosses
According to all my Facebook friends…I was the only one who didn’t see “Horrible Bosses” this weekend…and that includes my wife. She loved it…thought it was hilarious…even thought Jennifer Aniston was hilarious! This will be a definite rental when it comes out in a few months. It has Charlie from “Always Sunny in Philadelphia”…I support everything he does. Jennifer’s rating of the movie? A.
True Grit
I watched the re-make of True Grit last night, and I’m just so-so on it. The acting was tremendous…Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon, and the actress that played the girl (I’m bad with names this morning…it’s Monday) were incredible….the story…excellent….the ending…ho-hum. It reminded me a lot of “No Country For Old Men”…where the story was so good, and the acting was so believable…but then the ending was just rather unfulfilling. Kurt’s ranking: B-/C+.
Just Go With It
If you cut out the the 4 really long, drawn out, boring parts…this movie would actually get a solid B+ from me. It was a lot funnier than I thought…the kids in the movie were hilarious…and comic Nick Swarsdon was so ridiculous that it was genius. Plus, a very unexpected cameo from Dave Matthews was great…the cameo from Nicole Kidman? Not so much.
Dear Nicole Kidman,
Never attempt me again.
Sincerely,
Comedy.
Not a bad rom-com to sit through though….let’s give it a B-. Wow…I just gave an Adam Sandler vehicle the same rating as Oscar-nominated True Grit.
The US Women’s Soccer Team
That was AWESOME yesterday…Dexter and I watched the game, well, he played with stacking blocks while I watched…a game-tying goal in the final moments of extra time during the last session of overtime? That was incredible.
The ref in the game was ridicuously bad…that call on the penalty kick that Solo saved was ridiculous. Oh, and apparently, Marta (from Brazil) can just pull opponents down by the hair from behind, and that’s not a yellow? Due to this game alone, if our second child is a girl, we will not be naming it Marta. Off the list!
Congrats to the US Women…well done…who’s ridin’ Solo? (Note: joke stolen from my friend Corey).
Stop These Stories
Any story involving Westin Cage or LeeAnn Rimes.
LeeAnn Rimes - Let’s just put it honestly here…nobody cares about you anymore. Nobody cares about your Tweets about how your not anorexic, or how you have trouble with your husband’s ex that you stole him from…or that you’re on a beach…I can’t scroll fast enough past stories that include you in them. Go away!
Westin Cage - He’s Nicolas Cage’s son? Maybe? I don’t even know.
Dear TMZ,
Stop covering Westin Cage…nobody knows who he is…what he did…why the paparazzi even follow him…or again, who he is?
Sincerely,
People who actually follow Hollywood Trash and still don’t know who you are.
